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Hans Moleman
Hans Moleman (also known as Ralph Melish) is a 4 ft 4 in, 140 lb mole-like elderly old man with extremely bad luck. He is mostly popular for his 10 second short film "Man Getting Hit By Football" in "A Star Is Burns". There is a running gag in the series of him getting killed by various accidents, yet returning unharmed later on. Biography Although seemingly elderly, Hans Moleman once claimed that he was only 31 years old, implying in the process that his appearance is due to heavy drinking and not a result of old age. However, his age would later be contradicted due to continuity errors. He served at least 4 terms as Mayor of Springfield, during which he balanced the town's budget eight times and claimed to have written the town anthem (although he actually bought the song). He was in his 4th term in office 30 years ago, which contradicts his claim of being only 31 years old in the present day. He has cataracts and is almost entirely blind, which has severely impaired his reading ability. He carries a brown cane with him everywhere, which was once shown to contain a hidden sword. He is also known to be a war veteran. Hans was once mistaken for Bart and accidentally "de-programmed" (Homer and Marge had hired a cult de-programmer, hoping to convince Bart to move out of Mr. Burns' mansion and back in with them), apparently leading him to believe he is the son of Homer and Marge. At one time, it was revealed that Hans Moleman slept with Lars Ulrich's grandmother, and is considered by Metallica to be a "real fan". Homer once stumbled across Hans Moleman as the leader of a race of Mole People in an underground fortress complete with earthquake machines.] In the opening credits for The Simpsons, Marge strikes Moleman with her car. He has some jobs such as a mail man and a janitor (in the episode where Homer gets good luck). His home address was 920 Oak Grove, Springfield. Apparently, he had a father who lived at Springfield Retirement Castle. Hans Moleman once attended Springfield University for a short time, only so that he could have somewhere to sit. One of the college girls refers to him as an "80 year old man" only referring to his old appearance. It is unknown how long he attended the school and whether he gained any credits. Deaths #Homer's Triple Bypass: Killed in a truck accident while hauling Edgar Allen Poe's house. #Terror at 5½ Feet: Killed in a car explosion. #Bart of Darkness: Gets torched by a sunbeam. #The Springfield Connection: Gets put to the electric chair. #Mother Simpson: Buried alive in the Springfield Cemetary. #The Joy of Sect: Suffocated by a giant bubble. #Team Homer: Gets drilled in the brain by Mr Burns. #The Debarted: Suffocated by an airbag. #C.E. D'oh: Falls to his death after getting thrown out of a window. #Children of a Lesser Clod: Gets trapped inside of a morgue while still alive. #Connie Appleseed: Gets sucked into quicksand. #Reaper Madness: Gets killed by Homer's touch of death. #'Tis the Fifteenth Season: Gets eaten alive by wolves. #The Ned Zone: Gets eaten alive by alligators. #The Simpsons Movie: Gets run over by Homer's car. #E. Pluribus Wiggum: Gets crushed by a large piece of concrete. #Mypods and Boomsticks: Drowns to death after driving his truck into the ocean. #Don't Have a Cow, Mankind: Gets run over by a car after being turned into a zombie. #The Squirt and the Whale: Gets crushed by a piece of an exploding whale. #The D'oh-cial Network: Gets struck by Homer's car. #A Test Before Trying: Dies when his life support gets unplugged. #The Man Who Grew Too Much: Gets crushed by Sideshow Bob's block of concrete. #School is Hell: Gets axed in half by Beelze-Bart. #Geriatric Park: Gets crushed by a dinosaur's foot. Navigation Category:The Simpsons Heroes Category:Cartoon Heroes Category:Male Category:Elderly Category:TV Show Heroes Category:Movie Heroes Category:Comedy Heroes Category:Incompetent Category:Benevolent Rulers Category:Dimwits Category:Revived Category:Theatrical Heroes